The Response

Taking a Stand… and Standing in it

In my last blog, I wrote about taking a stand. For someone who is a recovering codependent, that is never easy. It requires intention, courage, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. There are moments when we have to strengthen that part of ourselves and simply say, “enough is enough.”

This was one of those moments.

I found myself feeling proud, not because everything went perfectly, but because I handled it differently. I sent a text that was calm and direct, without letting my emotions take over. I stated what I had heard and respectfully asked that, in the future, they contact me before bringing my name into a meeting.

The response I received was unexpected.

There was clear surprise, which made sense. I have not been someone who creates conflict, even when it has come at my own expense. For a long time, I chose silence over discomfort. This time, I chose to speak.

And it felt empowering.

At the same time, I prepared myself for a negative reaction. When you begin to set boundaries, especially after a history of not doing so, it is natural to expect some resistance.

Instead, I received a response stating that nothing negative had been said about me. This was followed by a phone call, where that same point was repeated several times.

Nothing bad was said about you.

However, the meeting itself had been called to address division within the ministry, and during that discussion, my name was mentioned.

So I restated my concern.

Regardless of what was said, I have been part of this church for over eight years and have served in leadership. Because of that history, I believe there should be a higher level of communication. A simple conversation beforehand would have demonstrated respect and consideration.

The issue was not about assigning blame. It was about establishing a healthier standard moving forward.

But I am learning that love and accountability can exist together. Kindness does not eliminate the need for boundaries. Speaking honestly does not make someone difficult; it reflects growth and self-respect.

Sometimes, it is simply the decision to no longer remain silent.

Julie Payne